So, my ex boyfriend and i made a conscious decision that if we wanted to go elsewhere we'd tell the other person first. Now i'm single (not through other people but through a distance issue), that's not a problem, but i've found myself in a situation with insane sexual tension between me and a guy on my course. The problem is he has a girlfriend.
This is bad on two levels, firstly because i've met his girlfriend and she seems great, secondly is that she's more sexually inexperienced than he is (not her fault), which is only adding to his frustration which is at this the moment is being directed towards me. I'm stuck, I honestly try to be good and to just be friends with this guy (which is how we started out) but as soon as he starts i can't help it....
Now it should be said i'm quite shy, but i've ended up being compelled to be more explicit than i've ever been with someone, especially someone i've not known for long.
What's worse is that i can't explain why, the guy's fairly attractive but to be honest nothing special, but there's something which compels me to him...really fucking strongly, and i can't help it when he starts with me. I'd also like to point out that i've not done anything more than the dirty txts, and (being honest) that photo i talked about last week....but still....it's wrong and i know it.
Everyone tells me to stop and leave him alone, every week i try, i make a decision to stop all this, but then he starts and i can't stop....i'm in trouble and i don't know what the hell to do about it!
Is it because it's wrong, is it because i can't have him? This feeling has been there for a while, since before the girlfriend when i didn't do anything about it - going back again to me being shy...but it's been getting worse, is it because of the encouragement? is it because i know i can't? or is it because deep down there's some kinda Freudian thing about emulating your mothers!?!
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ReplyDeleteHi there
ReplyDeleteMany thanks for your comment - I didn't seriously think anyone read my ramblings! Reading your blog, I see we are very similar in some ways - same ages, both loved cocktail bartending (man,if I didn't have a degree and it paid any better I would never have left!), both divorced parents,both thinking about our weight and stuff...so I'm really interested to read your posts. About this boy...follow your heart. You're only young once. I know the morality of it concerns you, but think how awful it would be to always be wondering what would have happened if you'd pushed yourself to do something about it...I know I have asked myself that over someone...and still do now! It's mainly his problem if he has a girlfriend. Mind you, if that was me I'd be agonising over it too! Following your head is always boring though...I think you should be young and impulsive and grab the moment for what its worth! There's nothing more delicious than sexual tension. Maybe you'd go off him afterwards though, if it was a case of wanting something just because you can't have it :)